My Journey Into The Jewelry Business

My journey into the jewelry business ... taken from my about section on my website:
Jen's Premier Jewels

Hello, and welcome!

Here is a little about myself and how my jewelry business started.

My husband and I were involved in a head on collision due to a negligent driver. We both survived, thank the Lord. However, due to the nature of my injuries, I was no longer able to continue my career as a nurse.

I refused to give up on life, and as a result, with a tremendous amount of love and support from my husband, I began making my own jewelry. It is relaxing for me and truly gives me great satisfaction to look at a finished piece and say, "Hey! I did that!"

In making my own jewelry, my interests have grown to include high fashion jewelry as well.

After coming this far in my recovery, I refuse to let what happened to me dictate whether or not I am successful as an individual. My success is in the happy smiles I bring to people who purchase my jewelry.

My motto is: "Life is way too much fun to wear boring jewelry!"

I'm thrilled to have you join me on my journey!

Here are a few pieces of my work.

I have been gone too long.

Well, like most bloggers who just abandon their blogs for almost a year, I have to start out by saying I MISSED YOU.

Where have  I been?

We bought a house the same time I quit writing. It was a fixer-upper, and any and all extra time has been put into getting our home completed. This project has been a complete remodel, a complete head to toe makeover if you will. We are almost done! We have two, full baths left and crown molding to add. I think the best way for me to describe things is just to show you some before and after shots.

Downstairs half-bath before:

Downstairs half bath after:

Downstairs main living areas before:

 Main living areas after:

 

Since these photos were taken, we have since removed the bubble light fixtures and changed them out to recessed lighting. It looks so much nicer! We still have to paint all the trim and all the doors, but after that, we should be done downstairs. WOOHOO!

We have also added all new carpet, baseboards and painted the entire upstairs. Once we have the bathrooms up there remodeled, I will either update this blog or do another. If I don't venture away too long, again. Until then ... <3 Long Lost Jen

Suicide is Not an Option

Every time I go in for an appointment, they ask me if I am having suicidal thoughts. Apparently, this is a crucial time where patients tend to get depressed, because they aren't "fixed" yet. Things are getting harder, with a lot more appointments, and a lot of work that really exhausts a person. Nonetheless, I wish they would stop asking me.

I have lost friends to suicide for whom I haven't forgiven, and doubt I ever will. I am bitter and angry at their selfishness, and you don't even want to know the things I have "spoken" to them as a result.

I have struggled my whole life, have gone through a whole lot, and have had experiences where I actually had to fight, and FIGHT HARD to be allowed to have another chance in this life. It's not been easy, but I worked my butt off to always find the good in it.

Unlike my friends who killed themselves, I think about the people that I would leave behind who would struggle with questions, putting their lives back together, sadness, and maybe even guilt, and they would carry these things with them for the rest of their lives.  Why would I want to put my loved ones and friends through that???

Not only that, many of my friends and family have served this country and fought, defended, and DIED for our right to LIVE. People have made the ultimate sacrifice for me, and you. My husband puts his life on the line every time he goes out to sea, and apparently, with fires purposely set by shipyard workers, while docked as well. He puts his life on the line so that I am free to live. What better gift is there than that?

Life is my choice, no matter how hard I have to fight to make sure I have it.

I Defend My Husband & Lose a Friend

A little vent: I lost a good friend (or so I thought), because I refuse to back Obama. This is sad to me, because she lived her whole life straight as a board, then decided one day that she was gay. Not thinking I would support her through this change, she didn't let me know. When I was finally able to get a hold of her, I knew in her voice something was wrong. She told me, quite shyly, that she was gay and in love with a woman. My comment, "No, Dina, you can't stare at my boobies the next time we get together!" She laughed, and thanked me for loving her no matter what. 
No matter what ... 

So, when Osama, pardon me, Obama, personally attacked me and my family when he decided not to pay my husband (and our entire military force) while Chris was on deployment (defending Obama's ass and this country) over PLANNED PARENTHOOD, you bet I took that personally. He left us wondering how the hell we were going to pay our bills, keep our home, keep our ONE car, and feed our son at a crucial time where we should NOT have had to be worried about anything but getting a job done and getting home alive. The one thing, the ONE thing that is promised to our military is that they do not have to worry about their families back home. That is the ONLY promise they get, and Obama spit on it. He spit on that promise, he spit on our entire military force, he spit on my husband, and he spit on me. I attended protests, contacted all of my representatives from local officials to the White House, and I did it on the daily. I attended rallies and online events. I created an entire blog and emailed it to my representatives and Obama, himself. So, as you can see, I took it very personal, and I still do! This is only ONE reason why I refuse to support Obama. My list is growing beyond my own belief, and the amount of typing it would take to discuss all of the issues is for another blog, or several more.

Back to my ex-friend, she has gotten very good at dumping our friendship over the years, anyway, and I suppose I should have expected nothing less. She dumped me in junior high for a more popular crowd, but once she realized how fake their friendships were, she came back. Once in high school for not stopping a friend of mine from going on a date with her EX boyfriend ... ya ... that one took two years to realize she was being ridiculous. I suppose I hoped as an adult, our friendship wouldn't be so dispensable. 

I didn't just survive a terrible car crash to sit back and be quiet. I survived, because I am a fighter, because I have a voice, and because God allowed me to be here to use it. 
Our military men and women deserve to have people fight for and defend them.
After all ... do they not fight for and defend us???

I am fighting HARD to make sure Obama does not have another chance to spit on my family again. I am fighting hard for all of the other military men and women and their families. I am fighting hard for our country, and I am fighting hard for all of you. That is why I am so passionate about this, and if I lost a friend, because  political sides are more important than our friendship, so be it. When you fight for what you believe in, you WILL make enemies. This isn't about how many people like me. This is about our future in America. It's about our military men, women and families who all pay the ultimate sacrifices NOT to be spit on. It's about my family and my friends that decide to stick by my side, and even the ones who don't. No matter what ...

For more insight on the government shutdown that occurred, read my blog:
That's Not OK 

Well, well, well. Little blog, I have neglected you. It's been six months since my last confession. :)

Since then, life has had a pretty big change for us. Chris and I were in a head on collision with a big truck that crossed the yellow line into our little car. We lived to tell about it, but not without many complications and struggles.

Chris received a broken nose, a sprained foot, a left side head injury, and several bumps, bruises and cuts. The list of things that have occurred with me is too long to go through, again. We will just suffice to say that I have 9 different doctors I see at many given points during the month. We lived to tell about it, though, and keeping a positive outlook toward recovery is all we can do at this point.

Chris has been my rock, and I can definitely say, "THANK GOD FOR SHORE DUTY!" I don't know what I would have done without him, and it also puts a worry in the back of my mind about what would happen if something like this went down while he was out to sea. It's not a thought I like to ponder, but I suppose it is one that is necessary to discuss in the event that tragedy could happen.

I am also thankful for all of my friends and family! Their prayers and uplifting attitudes really helped me to stay focused on recovery. I honestly am just completely blessed with such wonderful people in my life. God has given me the best of people to help me get through the worst of times.

The toughest part has been being away from my family. We are all so very close, and pulling together when times get tough is what we are all about. I really missed them and still do.

My son, Shaun, is a trooper. He would help me while Chris was at work. I was completely bedridden for a while, and what a kid to step up to the plate and help his mom so much. I am proud of him!

I looked back at a couple of my blogs about life, and one of the ones that sticks out in my mind is the one about removing negative people from life. As hard as it was to do it back then, I am completely grateful for the insight to have gotten it done. I definitely wouldn't have fared well having negativity in my life during this time.

Everything in life happens for a reason - good and bad. Embrace life. HUG IT. It's all yours to live, and the right attitude helps decide exactly HOW you are going to live it.

There is no need to be strong all the time, and even less of a need to maintain an image of strength in front of others. 

We have been taught to be strong, be tough, stand tall, etc. That is all well and good, but don't be too hard on yourself when you can't do it all of the time.

My friends and family look to me as a pillar of strength, and I would say that is pretty much true. However, with embarking on this new life, I have learned that it is perfectly OK to cry in front of others. As a matter of fact, I have found that a hug is a wonderful way to take away some of the pain of saying, "Good-bye" to my husband when he goes back out to sea.

Sharing your feelings with others who are going through the same thing is very comforting, rewarding, and helpful. Don't be afraid to give it a try. I know I am probably one of the most stubborn people alive to always want to keep my emotions in check around others, but I have found that once in a while, I am thankful to let it out.

The Long Awaited Shore Duty

It is official! We are finally on shore duty. :) We did find out that Chris had to have a forced extension of another 10 months of sea duty if he wanted to continue to keep submarine pay. What does that mean? Well, instead of the 6 months that he would have left to stay in the Navy after shore duty, he now has a year and four months. They sure know how to sucker punch. KA POW!

We have decided to stay focused on the positive things, and will cross the bridge of the forced extension once we get to it. Focusing on the good things: Shore duty means he will be home and not have to float out to sea for 3 years, unless a major issue ensues. We did receive orders to stay in Hawaii, so we do not have the stress of a major move and relocation in the near future. He will be working with some great men, some of which he worked with on the Cheyenne. This is a good thing, because they already know his solid work ethic, drive, and determination. He will not have to make a new name for himself, as that is already established.

A great big hug to all of our friends on the USS Cheyenne for some really great memories! The support and guidance from some of the ladies, here, are well beyond outstanding. Sometimes, I wonder how I would have gotten through without you. Chris talks very highly of some of the men from the boat, and it's easy to see why when their wives are equally amazing. 

We are celebrating a huge milestone, and with it comes the many opportunities that will come with embarking on the beginnings of yet another road traveled.

I am so proud of my husband for all he does for our family, for me and for you, but mostly ... for the whole world. It's a huge responsibility, and I feel it is a great honor to be by his side.

Shore duty ... HERE WE COME!

Creating the Perfect Scenario

I tend to create these perfect scenarios of what life should be like, and when life decides to wear the pants in the family, I then find myself scratching my head in disappointment.

Life doesn’t always work out in the way we imagine would be ideal. We can either resist it, feeling crushed when we don’t get exactly what we wanted, or accept reality at every step of the way, and adapt to make the best of what we get. 

I have decided that one of the things that I shall attempt to work on this year is to stop spending time on creating this perfect world in my mind, and start focusing on reality.

I want to learn to adapt to the new challenges that come into our lives instead of constantly resisting what is out of my control.

Thus begins a new journey into changing some life-long habits. Can it be done? Well, I never make a promise that I can't keep, so I shall promise to try.

Rainbows

December 13th, 2011, my husband headed out for his final trip to sea for the next 3 years and 3 months, as a long awaited shore duty is finally upon us.

I am blessed to live where I live, here in Ewa Beach, Hawaii. I am able to see my husband's submarine come and go from Pearl Harbor and watch it sail far off into the horizon. I do count my blessings, and this is one that I really am truly grateful to be able to do. It's bitter sweet, though, as it gives me great peace to watch him sail off, but at the same time, it feels like the ending to a very sad movie as the credits roll across a black screen and you are left saying, "That was a terrible ending!"

Anytime he has to go underway, it is a difficult time for me. It doesn't matter if it's only a few days or a few months. It's all the same to me. Living without him is my most difficult struggle in this life. We work very hard to make sure that each of us have good memories and good feelings in our hearts every time he has to go away. Unfortunately, not everyone cares about us as much as we do about each other. Others place heavy burdens on our hearts without care or consideration to the difficulties my husband and I already face on a daily basis.

I had a very negative incident happen to me the day he left. I will not go into details, as it affects the life of another for which I do not wish to air their private struggles. Let's just say the words that hit me stung my heart, my soul, and angered me into a possible unforgiving state. It left me in a panic of not knowing what to do. It brought back a flood of unpleasant memories. It was a very heavy burden to carry on my shoulders for something that was quite minor in the grand scheme of things. I was alone in dealing with this, as my husband had just left out to sea, and I could not solicit the help of this person's family, not by lack of my attempt.

On this day, not only was there a storm in my heart, but there was a storm brewing on the harbor to bid my husband farewell on his final journey. Sadness was all around me that evening ... until something very peaceful happened.

Fifteen minutes before Chris was set to sail through the harbor and out to sea, the storm began to lift. The rain turned to a light mist, and the sun began to shine through the clouds. As the dark clouds started to fade, a rainbow began its birth: First, ever so lightly against the grey sky, then shining brighter and brighter as the storm lifted and allowed the beauty of the sun to shine through. As the light brightened the harbor and my soul, the rainbow slowly faded away. Only minutes later, the USS Cheyenne passed through where a beautiful rainbow and symbol of peace had just been.

I felt an overwhelming sense of peace after that, and I decided that I cannot control the actions of others, but I can control who and what comes into my life. Things and people that zap my emotional energy that I so desperately need to get through these difficult times, do not deserve to be in my life. I have decided that if people want to be a part of my life, then they will be required to keep their negative thoughts to themselves. If they can't do that, or don't want to do that, it's OK. I am at peace with letting them go.

There is a promise in every rainbow ... the promise of peace. I am thankful for the peace this rainbow has given to me.

 You may be able to barely make out the beginning formation of the rainbow as the storm began to lift. 

 

Here, the rainbow is clearly starting to take shape through the sun-shower. 

 

There is just a light mist of rain, but you are able to see where the rainbow actually comes to an end. 

Note this when you see the pictures of the submarine leaving the harbor.

Beautiful, peaceful, promising ...

 Here is a very clear shot of the rainbow's end.

 It's starting to fade, now, as the mist has stopped, and the sun has taken its rightful place in the sky.

The rainbow is now gone, but look what is about to pass through where the rainbow had ended. 

It's the USS Cheyenne!

 The USS Cheyenne passing through where the rainbow had ended. 

My husband made it back safe and sound, and as I had mentioned, that is the last time I will have to say, "Good-bye" sending him out to sea for quite some time, now. I am so thankful, and he has made it very clear that he is ready to stay home, too.

NAM #4!!

In the interim of blogs, I am happy to announce that my wonderful husband was presented with, yet another, Navy Achievement Medal, now his 4th, AND he is now promoted to E6! I am so proud!

I Haven't Forgotten

Hello, Blog,

I seem to have forgotten about you. I shall try to come and visit on a daily basis.

Love,

Super Woman

Now that we got that out of the way ... life has been somewhat crazy since Chris' return from deployment. We had stand down time, from the boat, that is. We didn't have stand down time around the house. There was a lot of work to get done, for which we felt very good about accomplishing, however, it left us exhausted, still.

We didn't take time out to go go home for a visit, as we planned on doing that during Chris' leave in between sea duty and shore duty rotation. Guess what? That leave was taken away from us, and now, we do not go home for the holidays. He is scheduled to check off the boat on January 5th, and check into shore duty on January 8th. Thank you, Navy, for showing how much you appreciate my husband's sacrifices for the last 6 years.

This life is a series of emotional let downs, but forging ahead is the only option I plan on taking. Sure, I have my good days and bad days, but so does everyone else.

I Am Thankful for My Husband

 

 

I am thankful for having a man who loves me no matter what. He is content with lying under the stars with me and listening to my heartbeat. He will get up before I do and make me breakfast. My man will help me clean, give me a back-rub after a stressful day, and paint my toes any color I want. He brings me flowers, just because. He tells me I am beautiful with or without my makeup on. He loves my figure, even if I don't. He comforts me when I am sad or afraid. He is a great father figure and role model, and devotes his free time to his family. He is faithful, honest, and trustworthy. My man stands behind me one-hundred percent, even if I am wrong. He never raises his voice, or his hands, to me. He holds doors open, and goes out of his way to make sure I am happy. My husband is a United States Navy Submariner, and is gone from home a whole lot, but when he is here, and even from far away, he makes me feel like I am the only woman that could ever be his whole world. I have been called crazy, stupid and desperate for marrying an active duty serviceman. I say I am blessed, thankful, and appreciative to have married MY Navy Submariner. No matter what happens in this life, Baby, you will always be perfect to me.

Life After

Good morning, blog. It's been a couple of weeks. Life has kept me very busy, still. Though I have cut my hours back at work, there is still a lot of work to be done at home. Homeschool was put on hold while we got back into the swing of things having Chris home from deployment, so currently playing catch up with that, along with all of the things necessary to return to a normal life again for a while.

Speaking of, both Chris and myself thought we may need an adjustment period to get used to being a couple, again. Didn't happen. We took off right where we left off, and it's as if he never left in the first place. Of course that is great news!

His voice is in the house again. His scent after a shower. You know, the "man" scent ... Old Spice and delightful smells of after shave and cologne. I have an arm around me at night, or a shoulder to lay on. He is reaching behind him looking for my hand if he gets too far ahead of me. We are making dinner as a family, and one-by-one, checking off things to do on our list of fun. We have hit he movies, enjoyed popcorn, went shopping for Halloween items, filled up the pantry, and made some drinks.

He leaves again, shortly, but only for a couple of weeks. It's hard, this life. No sooner do I get used to having him here, he is gone again. True love ... there is no sacrifice too difficult.

Never Again

Seven months of being alone: Seven months of having little to no communication with my favorite person in the whole world: Seven months of trials, hardships, sadness, bitterness, anger, frustration, stress, with very little happiness ... are over.

If I had this to do over again, I would definitely have done some things differently. First, I would not have taken a job that requires me to work 110 hours a week, yet only pays me for 40. I am required to drive all over this island at all hours of the night. I am required to go into meetings during my 6 hours of personal time as well. They have little to no consideration for the fact that I need that 6 hours between my shifts to home school my son. When do I sleep? I don't. I average 2 to 3 hours a night for sleep. When do I get things done around the house? On my day off from this job. Is all of this conducive to handling the regular stresses that come with a deployment? HELL NO!

If I had it to do over again, I would have taken a part time job, or a job with a nursing agency that allows me to have a flexible schedule, work when I am up to it, and not require/demand so much from me.

I would have found different support groups. The FRG for this command leaves little to be desired, and the leaders seem to love screaming and yelling at people. Getting yelled at for calling the wrong person (like I know who the hell I am supposed to call) to make a COURTESY call that I would not be attending a planned event due to some serious personal issues, REALLY detours a person from ever wanting to attend any other planned outings in the event one might have to cancel. Seriously. Meetings that were supposed to be held for support while our husbands are on gone, turned into meetings of lecture and being yelled at by the captain's wife. Issues would come up in relation to port dates being leaked (dates when our guys would be pulling into a port somewhere), which is very, very dangerous. However, screaming at a group of women who are there for support is counterproductive. OPSEC is a very serious thing. Teaching people about it is important. I don't know about you, but when someone screams at me, I am not hearing a damn thing they say. The offender/s should have been pulled aside and dealt with, and the issue should have been brought to light in a reasonable manor to the rest of us who WERE doing the right thing. Gossip and clicks are not my thing, and once I found that I was being pulled in that direction, I opted to not be a part of it. Upon calling out the persons responsible for doing the exact opposite of a what an FRG is meant to be, supportive to EVERYONE during this deployment, I became shunned. Point being, I would have looked into more support groups, because I was basically completely alone during this entire deployment as a result of me choosing not to be a part of the FRG, put into situations that made me feel worse than I already did, and having no idea where to turn after that.

Luckily, I had a little love from a few of the wives from this command, however, my work schedule didn't allow me the time to be able to spend with other women who were going through the same things I was. Just want to say thanks to Liz, Dorathy, Rose, Holly, and Becky. You have all touched my life, and my heart, in many ways. Thank you.

I also would have traveled home to see my family and friends. I would have taken a seasonal job, or worked with agency back home, for something to do while they worked.

I would have also flown into every port to spend time with my husband. It gets hectic with all of the traveling plans that need to be made, fall through, rescheduled, updated, etc., but seeing him come off that boat in Guam, bags in hand, coming to stay with me at a hotel we had made reservations for ... was completely worth it.

There is a lot I would have done differently, but suffice it to say, I am fine never, ever doing this again. This statement now brings us full circle to the whole reason I began this blog which started with the phrase, "Never say never ..."

Thankful

Even as the weeks of this deployment draw closer to the end, I am still finding myself being thankful every day for my Daddy raising me to be a proud, independent and extremely strong woman. If I were any weaker of a woman, I know for a fact I would not have been able to make it through this. I should have bought stock in Kleenex.

The other contributing factor is the love, support and understanding of my husband. He has definitely had to nurture us through a few situations, but he did an amazing job. I can hardly wait to have him back in my arms.

Last, but not least ... you ... my friends. There isn't a day go by where I have forgotten those of you who lent an ear, a shoulder, a virtual hug, and took time out of your day to let me share with you the bad days along with the good during this journey.  I appreciate you, and I am glad I could be there for you in return.

The final stretch is here, and I am still holding on.

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

I can only imagine

[Chorus:]
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I
fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
When I find myself
Standing in the Son

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I
fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine

I can only imagine
i can only imagine

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you

I can only imagine

Almost There

It's almost over. For some reason, that is supposed to give some sort of lift in spirits, but I feel so numb, I honestly can't feel anything other than complete exhaustion.

It seems easier to give up on life than to keep fighting it, but thank God for my strength and determination to rise and conquer. I question so much about so many things, but the answers never come, nor will they ever.

Time has stolen so much from me; so much that I can never get back. I am bitter, and angry, and feel robbed. I feel like my happiness has been ripped away from me. The only comfort I have is knowing that it is temporary. However, there is always darkness looming over me knowing that he will leave again ... and again ... and again.

True love is powerful. If he gave me the choice, a choice to stay in this life or get out of it, I would say get out. I hate it. Who could possibly LOVE this?? However, if he gave me the choice to get out or stay and love him, I would stay and love him.

For my love, my life, my breath, my heartbeat, my everything ...


The bed is not made, and I don't care. 

It's not the same without you there.
Dishes need done
But that's no fun
Neither is not having you here.

I sigh a  lot as I miss your touch
I wonder if you know I love you this much
Mouth is dry
Tears I cry
The life of a wife of a sailor is such.

My heart beats fast when I think of you
Proud of how easy it is to stay true
Please, kiss my lips
Hold my hips
Hating these feelings that keep me blue

My devotion is strong for you my love
My angel, my light, my gift from above
Hold on tight
Don't lose sight
Of all the things we have ever dreamed of.

Here waiting for you ...

 September 11th, 2001 ... terrorists took the lives of thousands. R.I.P. our heroes. While remembering our heroes, today, remember something else. The terrorists took the lives of many, but they didn't take our resolve, our will to fight, or our resilience. We fight until we win. We sacrifice our husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, daughters, sons ... our families, because our freedom is worth fighting for. Americans will never forget. Neither should those who think they can take away our freedom.

I Didn't Ask For Your Advice

So, Shaun and I are cleaning out the flower/plant beds in front of the house, and the neighbor from across the yard comes out and just starts yacking up a storm with us. She asked if I was a single parent, because she never sees any men coming or going from my house. I suppose that's a good report to give my husband!

I told her that I am married, and my husband is currently on deployment. She then gives me this sad face and proceeded to tell me all about her divorce she recently had with her military husband of 25 years. After he retired, he left her for another woman. She said the sooner I get out of this life the better.

You know? I am sick of hearing about every body else. I am not going to leave the man I love over statistics, stories, or anything else. If we end up divorced, so be it, but I damn sure will not live my life with him NOW full of worries.

Keep your negative advice to yourself, people. Seriously. I own guns and have a very bad temper.

This is a song my husband sent me to listen to. Pretty much brought tears to my eyes. I really miss him. Not talking to him, hearing his voice, just knowing that is safe and OK is so very, very hard. I call your name, too, My Love. I miss you so much.

Lyrics - About Midnight

At about midnight I'll call
At about midnight I'll call out your name
I need you beside me
Through these seasons of change

At about midnight
Awaiting the dawn
I'll find contentment
Singing your song

Here in the valley
Shadows lead the way
Where the past meets today
Where the past meets today

Seasons come and they go
Seasons come and they go like the night
Because you are with me
Things will turn out alright

At about midnight
Awaiting the dawn
I'll find contentment
Singing your song

Here in the valley
Shadows lead the way
Yes I know that you're with me now

I don't understand this path I'm on
Like I'm looking down at the sun
All turned around again
All turned around again

At about midnight
Awaiting the dawn
I'll find contentment
Singing your song

Here in the valley
Shadows lead the way
Where the past meets today
Where the past meets today
Where the past meets today
Where the past meets today

So at about midnight I'll call
At about midnight I'll call out your name

Spent

So, I am breaking down and having someone come and give me an estimate on cleaning. I honestly can't keep up with everything. 100 hours (sometimes more) a week at my job, 20 hours a week for school, 20 hours a week on all the stuff that needs done around the house, raising my son, dealing with the stress of never hearing from my husband, the worries of him being on deployment, being alone, and all of that just leaving me with 3 to 4 hours a day for sleep. As much as I WANT to be Super Wife/Mom/Friend/Employee/Teacher ... I have to know when I have reached my limit. It is right .... NOW.

Here Without You

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me, yeah

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go, oh yeah yeah
 

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done
It gets hard but it won't take away my love, whoa

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me, yeah oh yeah oh