Suicide is Not an Option

Every time I go in for an appointment, they ask me if I am having suicidal thoughts. Apparently, this is a crucial time where patients tend to get depressed, because they aren't "fixed" yet. Things are getting harder, with a lot more appointments, and a lot of work that really exhausts a person. Nonetheless, I wish they would stop asking me.

I have lost friends to suicide for whom I haven't forgiven, and doubt I ever will. I am bitter and angry at their selfishness, and you don't even want to know the things I have "spoken" to them as a result.

I have struggled my whole life, have gone through a whole lot, and have had experiences where I actually had to fight, and FIGHT HARD to be allowed to have another chance in this life. It's not been easy, but I worked my butt off to always find the good in it.

Unlike my friends who killed themselves, I think about the people that I would leave behind who would struggle with questions, putting their lives back together, sadness, and maybe even guilt, and they would carry these things with them for the rest of their lives.  Why would I want to put my loved ones and friends through that???

Not only that, many of my friends and family have served this country and fought, defended, and DIED for our right to LIVE. People have made the ultimate sacrifice for me, and you. My husband puts his life on the line every time he goes out to sea, and apparently, with fires purposely set by shipyard workers, while docked as well. He puts his life on the line so that I am free to live. What better gift is there than that?

Life is my choice, no matter how hard I have to fight to make sure I have it.