Never Again

Seven months of being alone: Seven months of having little to no communication with my favorite person in the whole world: Seven months of trials, hardships, sadness, bitterness, anger, frustration, stress, with very little happiness ... are over.

If I had this to do over again, I would definitely have done some things differently. First, I would not have taken a job that requires me to work 110 hours a week, yet only pays me for 40. I am required to drive all over this island at all hours of the night. I am required to go into meetings during my 6 hours of personal time as well. They have little to no consideration for the fact that I need that 6 hours between my shifts to home school my son. When do I sleep? I don't. I average 2 to 3 hours a night for sleep. When do I get things done around the house? On my day off from this job. Is all of this conducive to handling the regular stresses that come with a deployment? HELL NO!

If I had it to do over again, I would have taken a part time job, or a job with a nursing agency that allows me to have a flexible schedule, work when I am up to it, and not require/demand so much from me.

I would have found different support groups. The FRG for this command leaves little to be desired, and the leaders seem to love screaming and yelling at people. Getting yelled at for calling the wrong person (like I know who the hell I am supposed to call) to make a COURTESY call that I would not be attending a planned event due to some serious personal issues, REALLY detours a person from ever wanting to attend any other planned outings in the event one might have to cancel. Seriously. Meetings that were supposed to be held for support while our husbands are on gone, turned into meetings of lecture and being yelled at by the captain's wife. Issues would come up in relation to port dates being leaked (dates when our guys would be pulling into a port somewhere), which is very, very dangerous. However, screaming at a group of women who are there for support is counterproductive. OPSEC is a very serious thing. Teaching people about it is important. I don't know about you, but when someone screams at me, I am not hearing a damn thing they say. The offender/s should have been pulled aside and dealt with, and the issue should have been brought to light in a reasonable manor to the rest of us who WERE doing the right thing. Gossip and clicks are not my thing, and once I found that I was being pulled in that direction, I opted to not be a part of it. Upon calling out the persons responsible for doing the exact opposite of a what an FRG is meant to be, supportive to EVERYONE during this deployment, I became shunned. Point being, I would have looked into more support groups, because I was basically completely alone during this entire deployment as a result of me choosing not to be a part of the FRG, put into situations that made me feel worse than I already did, and having no idea where to turn after that.

Luckily, I had a little love from a few of the wives from this command, however, my work schedule didn't allow me the time to be able to spend with other women who were going through the same things I was. Just want to say thanks to Liz, Dorathy, Rose, Holly, and Becky. You have all touched my life, and my heart, in many ways. Thank you.

I also would have traveled home to see my family and friends. I would have taken a seasonal job, or worked with agency back home, for something to do while they worked.

I would have also flown into every port to spend time with my husband. It gets hectic with all of the traveling plans that need to be made, fall through, rescheduled, updated, etc., but seeing him come off that boat in Guam, bags in hand, coming to stay with me at a hotel we had made reservations for ... was completely worth it.

There is a lot I would have done differently, but suffice it to say, I am fine never, ever doing this again. This statement now brings us full circle to the whole reason I began this blog which started with the phrase, "Never say never ..."