Here Without You

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me, yeah

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go, oh yeah yeah
 

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done
It gets hard but it won't take away my love, whoa

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me, yeah oh yeah oh

Our Newest Addition

I was never really a dog lover ... until my Toby came into my life. He was definitely a mutt that I bonded with. He always had my back, went on my super-long walks with me, snuggled with me when I was sad, and pretty much never left my side. Unfortunately, during my divorce, I had to find Toby a new home, as downsizing into an apartment was not going to be fair to him. Toby ended up in a very loving home, with children, and a huge area of land he could run around on, play to his heart's content, hunt, and just be a very happy dog. Giving him up broke my heart, but I knew it was better for him.

With that said, Chris, my current husband, always seems to be on a mission to make sure I am happy. It broke his heart to know I have sadness in mine over losing Toby. Chris has been talking about getting a dog for quite some time, but I have just never been ready. I felt bad, because I could tell he wanted a dog, too, but at the same time, he has always patiently waited for me to come around, hoping that I would.

Well, Chris and I had talked about what kind of dog we EVENTUALLY may want to bring into our family, whether or not we wanted to use an animal shelter or a private breeder, what would we do if we wanted to leave for a weekend, and all that jazz. Chris mentioned, first, that he would like to use a shelter, and of course, I fell in love with him even more when he said that. We both agreed that a dog from a shelter would probably be a little more work, but they are the ones most in need of a good and loving home.

Chris mentioned he likes Labs ... Chocolate Labs in particular. I told him that Labs are a lot of work as puppies, and even well into adult hood, but we both seemed to feel it would be worth it, as Labs are also the best companions from our experience.

Well, I have recently decided that it is time. Why? Chris's birthday passed while he was on deployment, August 21st, and I thought a dog would be a really meaningful gift considering how long it's taken me to come around. Though, I am not 100% ready to bond with another dog after Toby, I need to have time to train a new puppy into our home, and have him/her ready for Chris's arrival home.

I visited, with our son, Shaun, the Oahu SPCA animal shelter, and just figured I would go in and get a feel of the place and the people. It was right at closing time when we walked in, but the receptionist at the front desk still greeted us and let us in to see the dogs.

The dogs were all in kennels in the back. As soon as we walked into the kennel area, we were greeted by a large dog that was very timid/afraid and barking loudly as we walked past. I kept going. Around and around we went. I saw one that had potential, but he had a lot of bite marks on him and apparently really loved to fight. Well, we live in a community of dogs, and walking one around would mean they have to get along well with others. I kept walking around and around and around until there were almost no kennels left to visit.

I was thankful to be nearing the end of the journey, and even more thankful I hadn't found any pets to bring home that day. I just figured that it wasn't meant to be, yet, and I was OK with that. However ... just as I was nearing the last kennel, here was a very large chocolate and brindle color, what looked like, a Lab. He was the ONLY dog not barking. He was laying there, on the concrete, all quiet and sad. I stopped and looked at his name. "Shamrock." I thought, hmmm ... doesn't really look like that names fits him at all. He's probably sad, because someone gave him a crappy name! (Sorry, Oahu SPCA ... no offense! We still love you!) I turned to look at him, and then I said, "Well, you certainly are a handsome fella." He got up, slowly, and came to me, and licked my hand through the fence. He sat down and was very well behaved. My son came over, and instantly took a liking to Shamrock.

After a few minutes, as it was closing time, and I wanted to respect that, we walked up to the front and asked if we could come by the next day to meet Shamrock. No problem. The next day arrives, and first thing in the morning, we headed over to the shelter. We have a "meet and greet" with Shamrock, for which we found out his original name was Dozer by the tag around his neck. He was a HANDFUL. Hard to walk, pulling me everywhere. WOW. Powerful to say the least! He is close to 70 pounds and not quite a year old. I did figure he doesn't get out much, if at all, so he probably was just all kinds of excited, still having plenty of puppy left in him. He was, however, very gentle, loving, and super sweet. It didn't take us long to talk to the lady up front.

I decided it would be best to foster to adopt Dozer/Shamrock just to be sure this was going to be a good fit for not only our family, but for him, too. It took us two days of fostering to decide he was going to be a part of our family.

What happened in those two days? We found out he was super destructive and had to puppy proof our home immediately. We found that he was very protective of us, but not aggressive. He will stand at the door and not bark or attack, but he will not let anyone through without me saying it's OK. He is very intimidating in appearance, and he looks like he will eat you in one gulp if provoked. I think he knows this, and that he doesn't have to make a ruckus to let people know he means business.

We also found out he probably didn't have the best home prior to him finding his way to the shelter. At one time, I scolded him and told him, "NO!" as I caught him eating the blinds that hang in front of our sliding glass doors. He immediately stopped what he was doing and started to come to me. I went to pet him and tell him, "Good boy," for stopping the behavior and coming to be, but as I went to pet him, he thought I was going to hit him. He not only ducked out of the way, but he flew half way across the house. At that point, I knew that he needed some serious love, attention, and training, and that our family would be the perfect home for him.

After two days of working with him for countless hours, training him, letting him know he was loved and wouldn't be harmed in our home, giving him a new name, Jack, and falling completely in love, we went back to the shelter and finalized his adoption. He came home with us forever.

He took to his new name right away, and already comes when he is called. He will sit, give kisses, and fetch, though he thinks it is far more fun to have his humans chase him around to retrieve from him the object we just sent him to retrieve for us. He isn't that fond of water, but he is getting used to it. He loves treats, rawhide bones, and slippers. :/ He loves his long walks with me in the morning, however, he can't make the full trek. He will have to work into it. About 2 miles is enough for him, and he is ready to call it a day. He did great at his first vet visit, and we go back again in one month for his second set of shots. He loves the car, other dogs, and all the neighbors. Jack is amazing.

I have said this before, many times, actually, that I wish I would have listened to my husband and found room in my heart for a dog a lot sooner. I think deployment would have been a little easier having this sweetheart to look after me while I look after him. You were right, again, Chris. :)

I do hope that Chris falls in love with Jack just as much, if not more, than we have. My husband waited patiently for me to come around, and I waited patiently to find just the right addition to our family. Everything has a reason and a purpose. Timing, apparently, was everything.

Just Be Quiet and Listen

Stay positive.
Stay strong!
Don't cry.
Handle everything with a grain of salt.
Stay focused.
Only a little longer.
Hang in there.
Smile.

How much advice is too much? I know people mean well, but some days, I just don't WANT to do all these things. Why is it not OK to cry? Since when did humans decide that crying was a bad thing? God made tears for a reason ... so the angels can wipe them away.

Listen, just because a spouse cries while their husband is on deployment doesn't mean they are depressed, or something is wrong with them. This is NORMAL, folks. Why don't you just try to let your friend get it out of her system? How about just letting her use your shoulder as a towel? Seriously.

We don't HAVE to be strong every single day. It takes plenty of strength just to get through the day. Unless you walk this path, you have no idea how it feels. Instead of trying to offer advice about things you know nothing about, try just listening. Keep quiet, and just listen. Let us cry. It's HEALTHY for us.

Don't Mess With A Wife Whose Husband is on Deployment

An angry woman whose husband is on deployment is even more dangerous!

The title says it all. "Don't Mess With  A Wife Whose Husband is on Deployment." We may as well all be serial killers at some point during our day. Seriously. It's not a good idea to mess with our very fragile, and totally uncontrollable, emotions. One minute we can be laughing, the next, we can be looking for the sharpest knife in the drawer.

With that said, I was in the line at the grocery store, with ice-cream, in the 8 item or less lane. Yes, the lane where one lady had just checked out a cart full of items, and just happened to be enjoying a LOVELY conversation with the lady behind her, who apparently has the same bad habit of checking out an entire cart full of groceries in the 8 item or less lane as well. 

I will have to let you know how this story ends another time, because I currently have a game going on my Facebook called "WWJD - What Would Jen Do?" If I share the outcome now, it shall spoil the game ending. If, however, my friends on Facebook happen to read this blog first, they will have a small hint as to how the outcome of this story ends. 

Until we meet again! Jail or ... otherwise. :)

Break Your Heart

"Break Your Heart"

People downcast, is despair
See the disillusion everywhere
Hoping their bad luck will change
Gets a little harder every day

People struggle, people fight
For the simple pleasures in their lives
But trouble comes from everywhere
It's a little more than you can bear

I know that it will hurt
I know that it will break your heart
The way things are
And the way they've been
And the way they've always been

People shallow, self-absorbed
See the push and shove for their rewards
I, me, my is on their minds
You can read about it in their eyes

People ruthless, people cruel
See the damage that some people do
Full of hatred, full of pride
It's enough to make you loose your mind

I know that it will hurt
I know that it will break your heart
The way things are
And the way they've been

I know that it will hurt
I know that it will break your heart
The way things are
And the way they've been

Don't spread the discontent
Don't spread the lies
Don't make the same mistakes
With your own life
You never will let love survive

I know that it will hurt
I know that it will break your heart
The way things are
And the way they've been

Don't spread the discontent
Don't spread the lies
Don't make the same mistakes
With your own life

Don't disrespect yourself
Don't lose your pride
And don't think that
Everybody's gonna choose your side

I have been pretty down, lately, and I have noticed when I am like this, that I just stop giving a damn about a whole lot of things. Little things annoy me, or even make me very angry. The world is a cesspool of idiots, and I am the only one who matters. Actions I take, and words I speak to others, only make things worse.

Well, this song kind of helps remind me not to lose my pride, not to be part of the discontent ... not to lose myself. "I know it will hurt, but don't make the same mistakes with your own life, or you will never let love survive."

Serenity, Courage and Wisdom

Serenity, courage, and wisdom ...

Change the things you can.

I have been struggling with a lot in my life, from deployment to an array of personal plights. Among those personal plights, and something I have blogged about previously, are negative people in my life. 

I recently battled with making a well thought out decision to rid the people in my life who were causing me sadness, stress, anxiety, or worry. A friend had said this to me which convinced me to move forward with my thoughts. 

"While those people are probably sleeping nice and snug in their beds, you are up all night struggling over them, their words, and their actions. Is it worth it?" 

She is right. The answer is, "No. No it's not." 

I can go into story about the people that have negatively affected me, from leaders of organizations that are in place to help women be supportive of each other through deployment, not tear them down, all the way to someone I had to finally let go of after a lifetime of hurt from him. There really is no point in going into detail over the reasons behind the cleansing of my soul. The only purpose it would serve is to give examples, but you know if you have negative people in your life. My examples aren't needed for you to figure that out.

I have realized that, if I am strong enough to survive deployment on my own, I am strong enough to kick the people out of my life who are making the challenges I face day to day more difficult. 

Suffice it to say this. I am not a child. I am definitely not your child. Do not speak to me like I am a child. Do not tell me how to live my life. Not only am I a woman who demands respect, I am military spouse, who deserves respect. Treat me with the dignity I deserve. My sacrifices run as deep as my husband's. If you can't do all of these things with love in your heart for myself and my family, you are welcome to leave my life forever. 

Since making my decision, and acting on it, I must say, I feel so much lighter, so much more relaxed. I am sad at losing resources I really could use during this time. I am also grieving for the loss of those that I never thought I would lose. I am still struggling with the pain of having to let go, but I no longer have to hear their sharp words, their condescending tone, and their unwanted advice. Even more so, I am no longer losing pieces of me because of them.

May you find the strength and courage to do the same.

My World Alone

I sit alone at our kitchen table and eat my dinner. Often times, it's a frozen meal or take out, because cooking for one is not only hard, but tears at my heart strings every time. I have flashbacks of us making dinner together, and then I wake up to the reality of being alone.

I open the medicine cabinet, and there are your things: your toothbrush, your razor, your personal items. They are just how you left them, so when you come home, there will be nothing you have to adjust to or try to find. I stare at them for a little while, knowing they are some of the last things you touched the day you left. Something so simple as a toothbrush has so much meaning to me.

I look at pictures of you, so I don't forget what you look like. I smile at the ones you smile back at me in. I am proud of the ones of you in your uniform. I sigh, and wish the photos would come to life, so you can hold me in your arms once again. 

I get into our car and look for your hand to hold, but instead, there is an empty seat where you should be sitting. I don't turn on the radio, because there is nobody there to playfully fight over which radio station we will listen to. I pump the gas, but I always envision you doing it, because that's one of the things you always took care of for me. 

I do the laundry, but nothing of yours has been in it for months. Sometimes, I put a pair of your socks in there, just so I can feel normal. 

I go to bed alone. This is one of the hardest things, because we held each other every single night until we fell asleep, or our ARMS did. I have one of your t-shirts I use as a pillow case on one of our pillows. At night, I snuggle with it pretending it is you. 

I spray your cologne on my teddy-bear and allow him to catch my tears as I cry for you every night. We both say a prayer to bring you home safe. He wears your dog-tags on his paw, the one that is embroidered with the words you chose when you gave him to me, "I love you Jenfire."

I go everywhere by myself, and I miss you reaching behind waiting for me to grab your hand so we can walk hand in hand, side by side. 

I often catch myself ordering two scoops of ice-cream, thinking that you and I will share, then remembering you aren't here. The other half always melts. 

There is nobody here to comfort me in my times of stress or feeling overwhelmed. I close my eyes and feel your arms around me, telling me everything is going to be OK. Sometimes it works. Most times, it just hurts more, because the reality is, you are so very far away. 

I don't hear your voice for months and months on end, and when I do, I am so overwhelmed, I can't even speak ... just cry. That gives you comfort and pain at the same time, because you love how much I love you, but you don't like to hear me cry.

It's too quiet, here, in this lonely world. The days don't move fast enough. Time stands almost still. 

I hear wives complaining about their husbands, and I want to tell them to be thankful their husbands aren't where my husband is. Sometimes, I do.

I am proud of you, all that you do, and all that you stand for. Come home soon, and come home safe. 

Your Always Loving Wife, 

Jenny

You're My Everything

The chorus of this song is at the very end, and it's the ringtone assigned to my husband's number on my phone. The first time he had called me after several months of not hearing his voice, I couldn't even talk to him, because just hearing that ringtone come across my phone was extremely emotional. I had apologized, and said that when the phone rang, and it was his ringtone, it made me feel like life was normal again, and he was just calling me to come pick him up from work. I continue to count my blessings, because at least I heard the ringtone, and his voice. I know he is safe.

How to Fake It

I have always had a hard time showing my emotions in front of people. Crying, not an option. Anything but a smile, not an option. I am not sure why or how I have come to believe this, other than, I was taught at a fairly young age that I better not show weakness, and crying, of course, is a sign of weakness (at least in my opinion).

I had gone to a Scentsy party hosted by one of the wives from the sub. I didn't really want to go, truth be told, because I have been feeling like I just want to be alone with my "weakness." Turns out the party was exactly what I needed, and I met some wonderfully funny ladies.

One comment, however, stood out more than most. The comment was made after I had said that I have a hard time showing my emotions in front of people. One lady piped up and promised this. "We will break you." I almost gave in right then and there.

After a lifetime of the same habit, I do believe this woman will eventually be right. This life is hard. I am not sure I like who it's turning me into, but time will tell. I am sure I will grow in some ways, and in other ways, I will digress. Life has a funny way of balancing itself out like that, and I feel as if that balance is well on it's way.

I know I am not making much sense, but future blogs will show clarity.

Happy Father's Day, my Chris. I love you.

One Step at a Time
by Joseph Morris

In the morning with the journey all before us on the road,
It takes courage to begin, that is sure;
For the first step is the hardest, and we always think the load
May be greater than we've power to endure.
When the first mile lies behind us we can say, "Now that is done,
And the second and the third will soon be past."
So we trudge on through the noontime, and the setting of the sun
Finds us coming to our stopping-place at last.

When a man would climb a mountain he's appalled to see the length
Of the slope that reaches up into the sky;
But he starts, and with the climbing he will find he's gained the strength
To attain the very top, however high.
For the climbing of a mountain takes but one step at a time--
Who has courage to do that will reach the goal;
He will stand upon Life's summit and will know that joy sublime

Which is his alone who dares to prove his soul.

Mouse Killer Extraordinaire

I think my husband is going to be very happy to know that his wife just added "Mouse Killer Extraordinaire" to her list of totally awesome and wonderfully amazing list of things she does when he is on deployment. LMAO! I am pleased to report that since the brutal murder of one said mouse via my weapon of choice, a broom, there have been no further signs or sightings of any mice inhabiting our lovely home! No pictures will accompany this post, today. :)

On A Good Day

Lyrics to On A Good Day :

Little bit lost and...
A little bit lonely
Little bit cold here
A little bit feared

But I hold on
And I
Feel strong
And I
Know that I can

Getting used to it
Lit the fuse to it
Like to know who I am

Been talking to myself forever, yeah
And how I wish I knew me better, yeah
Still sitting on a shelf and never
Never seen the sun shine brighter
And it feels like me
On a good day

And it feels like me
On a good day

I'm a little bit hemmed in
A little bit isolated
A little bit hopeful
A little bit cold

But I hold on
And I
Feel strong
And I
Know that I can

Getting used to it
Lit the fuse to it
Like to know who I am

Been talking to myself forever, yeah
And how I wish I knew me better, yeah
Still sitting on a shelf and never
Never seen the sun shine brighter...

And it feels like me
On a good day

Been talking to myself forever, yeah
And how I wish I knew me better, yeah
Still sitting on a shelf and never
Never seen the sun shine brighter
And it feels like me
On a good day

True Friends Never Judge You

I received a message from a friend, today, though I have revoked that title from her. She told me that I was stupid for marrying Chris. She mentioned that I had finally found true love with a man who is never going to be here for me, and that I better wake up, because it's obvious my life sucks.

My reply went much as follows: My life does not suck. My life is very hard, yes, but it definitely doesn't suck. There are many blessings I can count in my life.

• One: I have a man by my side who would never allow me to want for anything within his power to give me. 
• Two: True my husband is gone from home a lot, but when he is here, he makes me happier than any man in my life ever has, and they were always home. 
• Three: I have a dream job that I would never have had if I decided to stay in Florida, or go back home during his deployment instead of staying here. 
• Four: My son is living a dream life, one only few have the chance to do, and one many dream of.
• Five: I have a husband I can be proud of. He is out there fighting for my freedom, the freedom of all of America, and the freedom of people's1st amendment right to call me stupid for the choices I made.
• Six: I have a wonderful and supportive extended family with my in-laws. My mother and father-in-law are two very down to earth people, for whom I feel very blessed to know. My sister-in-laws are amazing people, who tell me often how much they appreciate me being here. It feels very good to feel like I belong.
• Seven: I have countless friends and family members who support my decisions, and I am thankful every day that I don't have to hear things like what my "friend" has mentioned. 
• Eight: I have the ability to tell people who want to be negative and cruel to get the hell out of my life. 

I love my life, and though I may complain about things from time to time, I wouldn't be anywhere else, because I am with my soul mate. There is nothing he wouldn't do for me. There is no mountain he wouldn't climb for me. There is no fire he wouldn't walk through for me, and you better believe there is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do for him.

That's Not OK

(Photo Credit: Lindsay Holt)
Photo posted by: Lariah Nicole
 

You asked him to fight.

I said OK.

You asked me to live alone.

I said OK.

You asked me to cry myself to sleep.

I said OK.

You asked him to get shot at.

I said OK,

and now you ask us to do it for free.

That's not OK.

It's a sad day in our country when our men and women who serve, fight for our freedoms and give their lives every day, have our government turn its back on them by taking away their pay, leaving families struggling to pay bills, put food on the table, then tell them it's all for nothing ... literally. In my opinion, conducting this act at such a crucial time in our nation's fight for freedom from terrorism is nothing short of treason, and everyone involved should be impeached. Abraham Lincoln said it best. "Congressmen who willfully take action during wartime that damage morale and undermine the military are saboteurs, and should be arrested, exiled or hanged."

My husband said to me, "I will be looking for another job, because one of the main things they promise us when we sign our lives away is that our families will always be taken care of." This brings me to tears. Here is a man who is living up to his end of the deal, leaving his family behind to do the job the government asked him to do, and now, the government isn't living up their end of the deal. Promises made, promises broken.

Photo of me by Theresa Benedetto: T Photography

It's difficult enough having my husband gone on deployment, not to mention having to constantly worry whether or not I will be able to be here when he gets home. It's scary knowing we can lose everything we worked so hard for. It's upsetting to know the sacrifices we make as a family are not appreciated. I hope Congress and our President sleep well at night, because I know I sure don't.

 

I have kept the amount of stress and hardship this has caused away from my husband. We Americans need his mind sharp and focused on his task at hand out at sea, and his family needs him coming home SAFE to us. That means tackling these issues alone, not with my partner as issues should be dealt with, has become a daily part my of life. We can't afford to have him worry about home when his job is already stressful enough. He has been told, per my request, that I have things completely under control, and everything is fine. Lie? Not really ... I do have things under control as much as I can have them under control. Are they fine? Well, how fine is fine when someone is taking half or all of your income away without notice? Even with notice, that is devastating. I am lucky enough that I have a job, and my income can support us to some extent during a government shutdown. However, I don't receive BAH (housing allowance) to cover our $1800.00 a month rent required to live in Hawaii where he is ordered to be stationed. I have no idea what I would do, but I will cross that bridge if I come to it. Dealing with the stress of not knowing what will happen day to day is aging me quickly.

My husband and sailors of the USS Cheyenne leaving on deployment. I love you, Baby! I am proud of you all, and the American citizens are not turning their backs on you! We all support you and are here fighting for your rights while you are out fighting for ours ... 

Those of you who know me, know that when I get angry, it's the best time for me to get things done. Through the online protest event, every last one of us are able to easily contact congressmen and women all over the nation with the click of a button. As responses from our leaders come in, I will post them here. If you receive a response from congress, please feel free to post it as well. A letter was also sent that informed me of a pledge, which is posted below, that has been taken by several members of Congress to forgo their pay in the event of a government shutdown. I am involved in as many protests as I can find the time to manage. Writing and making phone calls every day has filled my free time. I told Chris I wasn't sure how much one voice could do, but just look at what Hope Bradley has done by forming ONE online protest group with 1.9 MILLION members and growing! If her voice can make a difference, imagine what all of our voices combined can do!

I am posting this blog to urge every American to get involved. If the government can take the pay from our military, who's to say YOUR PAY isn't next? Please join this event and/or write to Congress! It costs you nothing except FIVE MINUTES of your time to support what a lifetime of freedom our military men and women have given to you. This fight is not over. Until the budget is fixed, our military men and women will have to fight for their right to be paid over, and over, and over again. 

Get involved and help get this act passed to ensure our military is always paid! 

LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD!

Ensuring Pay for Our Military Act of 2011

Event Details

Write Congress

The letter is already written for you.

You can change it as you like, or leave it as is.

Fill in your information and send it. It's that simple.

Write the White House

Who Signed the Pledge
 

(If If your government leaders haven't signed it, write them, and ask, "WHY?")

Direct Contacts To Congress

Senate

Representatives

Congressional Leaders

Bold & Kreative Photography
This photo came with this caption by Britney McGinnis: 

If you don't want to pay my husband, you can send him home.
He has someone special he hasn't met yet. 

The Walk

The Walk - by Richard Paul Evans

My name is Alan Christoffersen. You don't know me. "Just another book in the library," my father would say. "Unopened and unread." You have no idea how far I've come or what I've lost. More important, you have no idea what I've found.

I'm no one important or famous. No matter. It is better to be loved by one person who knows your soul than millions who don't even know your phone number. I have loved and been loved as deeply as a man can hope for, which makes me a lucky man. It also means I have suffered. Life has taught me that to fly, you must first accept the possibility of falling.

I don't know if anyone will ever read what I'm writing. But if you are holding this book, then you have found my story. You are now my fellow sojourner. If you find something in my journey that will help with yours, keep it.

Some might call this a love story. Those without love will call it a travelogue. To me, it is one man's journey to find hope. There are things that happened to me that you might not believe. There were lessons learned you might not be ready for. No matter. Accept or dismiss what you will. But let me warn you in advance -- which is more than I got -- that what you read won't be easy. But it's a story worth telling. It's the story of my walk. 

This is the first page of a book that Chris bought for me the day before he left on deployment. I hadn't really had time to get into it, as I have been working quite a bit during this orientation period. I was actually supposed to work today as well, but felt my body needed a day to take just to myself. I walked my 6 miles, today. I put my swim suit on and basked in the sun for an hour, and I started this book. I haven't been reading it long, and I am already on chapter 5. So far, it's amazing.

I also copied this same text to Chris, and my plan was to write him a chapter a day. However, I think I will just read it, and pass it to him when we meet for a rendezvous. It will give him something to read on the last legs of his own journey.

The Sunset's Whisper

The Sunset’s Whisper

Every day, she walks down to the ocean's edge

and lets the waves gently roll upon her feet.

The coolness of the water always takes her by surprise at first,

but as the next few sets of waves roll in,

she finds it more and more refreshing.

She gazes upon the horizon wishing her love

back into her arms.

 It is then that each sunset whispers to her,

"You must wait another day."

She thanks God for allowing her heart

to love this much, again,

 turns away from the peaceful sound of the rolling waves,

and heads toward the direction of home.

She gathers strength from her daily visits to the ocean's edge,

knowing one day soon,

 the sunset will whisper unto her,

“Your love has returned.”

Until then, she holds him close to her heart,

loving him more deeply than ever before. 

by: Jen Avakian

Determination

Just a little motivational story for the day.

 DETERMINATON

In 1883, a creative engineer named John Roebling was inspired by an idea to build a spectacular bridge connecting New York with the Long Island. However bridge building experts throughout the world thought that this was an impossible feat and told Roebling to forget the idea. It just could not be done. It was not practical. It had never been done before. 

Roebling could not ignore the vision he had in his mind of this bridge. He thought about it all the time and he knew deep in his heart that it could be done. He just had to share the dream with someone else. After much discussion and persuasion he managed to convince his son Washington, an up and coming engineer, that the bridge in fact could be built. 

Working together for the first time, the father and son developed concepts of how it could be accomplished and how the obstacles could be overcome. With great excitement and inspiration, and the headiness of a wild challenge before them, they hired their crew and began to build their dream bridge.

The project started well, but when it was only a few months underway a tragic accident on the site took the life of John Roebling. Washington was injured and left with a certain amount of brain damage, which resulted in him not being able to walk or talk or even move.
 

"We told them so."
"Crazy men and their crazy dreams."
"It`s foolish to chase wild visions."

Everyone had a negative comment to make and felt that the project should be scrapped since the Roeblings were the only ones who knew how the bridge could be built. In spite of his handicap Washington was never discouraged and still had a burning desire to complete the bridge and his mind was still as sharp as ever. 

He tried to inspire and pass on his enthusiasm to some of his friends, but they were too daunted by the task. As he lay on his bed in his hospital room, with the sunlight streaming through the windows, a gentle breeze blew the flimsy white curtains apart and he was able to see the sky and the tops of the trees outside for just a moment. 

It seemed that there was a message for him not to give up. Suddenly an idea hit him. All he could do was move one finger and he decided to make the best use of it. By moving this, he slowly developed a code of communication with his wife. 

 

He touched his wife's arm with that finger, indicating to her that he wanted her to call the engineers again. Then he used the same method of tapping her arm to tell the engineers what to do. It seemed foolish but the project was under way again.

For 13 years Washington tapped out his instructions with his finger on his wife's arm, until the bridge was finally completed. Today the spectacular Brooklyn Bridge stands in all its glory as a tribute to the triumph of one man's indomitable spirit and his determination not to be defeated by circumstances. It is also a tribute to the engineers and their team work, and to their faith in a man who was considered mad by half the world. It stands too as a tangible monument to the love and devotion of his wife who for 13 long years patiently decoded the messages of her husband and told the engineers what to do.

Perhaps this is one of the best examples of a never-say-die attitude that overcomes a terrible physical handicap and achieves an impossible goal. 

Often when we face obstacles in our day-to-day life, our hurdles seem very small in comparison to what many others have to face. The Brooklyn Bridge shows us that dreams that seem impossible can be realised with determination and persistence, no matter what the odds are.

Even the most distant dream can be realized with determination and persistence.

I Don't Want To Feel

I wanted to go to bed early, tonight, just so I wouldn't have to feel anything more, today.  It's definitely a bad day.

During my routine 6 mile walk, today, I made the usual pit-stop at the exact place on the beach where Chris and I were married. Usually, it makes me feel pretty good to be there. Today, however, I completely lost it. I had a pretty good melt down, and pretty hard cry, and left the spot wishing I had passed it by just this once.

Back on Track

Chris and I spent several months creating memories while he was home to keep close to our hearts when we would be apart. In that time, we went out to dinner A LOT! We even had dessert ... and DRINKS! Quite a few drinks ... cough. :) What does that mean? It means I got fat. It was well worth it, though!

However, I am ready to get back into shape. One of the things I decided to do for myself was to set a personal goal of losing 30 to 40 pounds and toning my body during the time Chris will be gone. I think it's doable if I work really hard.

Today was my first day. I power-walked 6 miles! I am drinking health shakes for breakfast and lunch following the MonaVie RVL weight loss plan. HOLY SMOKES, are those shakes YUMMY!!! I took a MonaVie EMV Lite all natural (yep .. they do exist!) energy drink with me just in case I might need a boost. I did! It allowed me to go an extra mile, as my original plan was only to do five miles. THANK YOU EMV LITE!

During my workout, I stopped on the beach at the spot where Chris and I were married. I sat there for a short break taking it all in. Closing my eyes and remembering his arm around me, and mine around him, remembering our first kiss as husband and wife, and laughing at the site of him carrying me over the threshold of our door when we got back home. :)

I miss him, but having this personal goal as a way to surprise him when he gets home has DEFINITELY given me something to focus on. I already feel better, and the natural endorphins that help boost your mood when you work out is certainly helping me, today.

Anyway ... HOT BODY, HERE WE COME!! Wooohooo!!!

MonaVie RVL Weight Loss Plan

MonaVie EMV Lite Natural Energy Drinks