Home Preparation

I think we are good to go as far as the next part goes. We have dealt with Chris being away from home for weeks at a time already. Childcare is handled. Chores and responsibilities are handled. This part is a piece of cake.
   
Preparing your home and life for deployment
The absence of a family member may mean that you'll have to do things differently at home and in the rest of your life. If you take the time to prepare for these changes, you may find it easier to adjust. Here are some things you should think about when you're preparing for deployment:

• Review child and elder care arrangements . If you need help covering your child or elder care needs, contact any services that may be available to you through the military, in your community, or through another employer for support and resources. If you already have a child care plan in place, review it to make sure that the absence of a family member will not be a problem.

• If there are certain chores or duties that the deployed family member always does, make sure you know how to do them, too . In some families, one person is responsible for maintaining the car or for grocery shopping. If this is the case in your family, make sure you feel comfortable taking on that responsibility on your own. 

Well, that covers preparation! I almost wanted to add an "H" after that word, because I really thought all of this was going to be a pain in the butt. ;) Writing things down and putting things into perspective clearly helps sort through things that may appear difficult or overwhelming. Challenge one, DONE! :)

Legal and Financial Preparation

This is the part for which we will struggle completing. If we were not getting married, most of this is already handled. However, our new marriage means new legal forms and documents to handle prior to deployment. I will have to keep you posted as to how well we get this covered, as there isn't much I can do with any of this at this point in time.

The next part is where it gets real and hard to swallow. We have to prepare for the worst. Nobody wants to face the fact that their husband may die, but the possibility is there. Wow ... having a bit of trouble blogging on this part. Clearly, I don't want to face the "what-ifs" right now. If you don't mind, I am going to stick to the basics at this time and perhaps touch on this subject some other time.

Alright, so, all of these forms have to change after we are married. Finding the time to get to the attorney to do it, however, will be our challenge.

• Update and check legal and financial documents and details . This should include updating wills and medical directives, creating powers of attorney documents, and ensuring that family members have access to accounts and documents. 

This part is all covered. I am good to go! :D

• Make sure all important contact numbers are easy to find. Gather information about how to reach the deployed family member, including numbers for contacting appropriate military officials for information and updates. Make sure you also know how to contact your spouse's family. 

Chris and I will talk about this next part when he is home. Luckily, we did have the emergency funds set up for the storm that happened, leaving us without power for two days. We lost all of our food in the fridge and freezer, and my back window in the car was busted out by flying objects. Total damage and cost of replacing things, $1,052. The damage to the car was less than our insurance deductible, so we had to eat the total cost of repairs.

Just a few days after that, Shaun and I dealt with the tsunami warning here in Hawaii. We had to deal with a forced evacuation in which I was told we had one hour to get what we could and get out. We had nowhere to go. All we did was pack as much as we could in our car, left our house at midnight (as that was our community's deadline to get out), and drove to high ground. I parked the car on the side of a mountain, and there we sat until 5:30 a.m. waiting for devastation. Thank goodness it never came, but the whole ordeal was extremely horrifying after seeing what happened in Japan as we were packing. We are very thankful to have no losses from this. My heart goes out to Japan.

Point being, we had nowhere to go. I assume with having Navy resources, this type of emergency will provide us answers to having resources if something were to go wrong again. Chris and I will clarify this upon his return.

• Create a family emergency plan . Talk about what you'd do in the case of an emergency, including where you'd go and how you would get in touch. Involve children and other family members in these discussions in appropriate ways. Talk about how finances will be handled in an emergency. Have an emergency fund you can tap into for the unexpected. Make sure you have contact numbers for emergencies including the numbers for financial assistance.

OK, all of this is taken care of. We handled all of these things prior to this current time he has had to be underway. WE ROCK!

• Talk about how you'll handle finances during the deployment . If your deployed spouse typically takes care of the family finances, make sure that you feel comfortable assuming these responsibilities. Make sure that you agree on a plan for accessing and using all checking, savings, or investment accounts as well as safety deposit boxes. Go over all bills that will need to be paid during the deployment period, including taxes. If it's necessary, make arrangements for the direct deposit of the paycheck of the person who will be deployed.

All in all, things look good. See what happens when I sit down and put things in perspective. :)

Emotional Preparation

"Everyone reacts to the news differently," it says. It's a little different for me, because I have known about this deployment for a while, however, my intention was not to move out here until after the deployment was over. Love has a mysterious way of screwing up even your most thought out plans, doesn't it? Anyway, I know that many families get little to no warning of their significant others' deployment. In that aspect, I feel very blessed to at least have the time we do have, even if it will be short lived.

With that said, we were put on fast motion to get everything done, and we are still not done. I am very stressed out, worried, sad, and afraid. I also have positive emotions brewing inside me of conquering a challenge, setting goals, and being comforted by people who are going through the same thing. I feel fairly balanced right now, but that can change from day to day with me. Haha!

The negative emotions come from the inner person in me who is a planner and someone who likes to be prepared. With this lifestyle, planning only takes you so far, because everything is written in sand, and I mean very wet sand. Just when you think you have your words written for all the world to see, the water comes and takes it all away.

The stress also comes from worry. There is a lot to worry about from only having a short time to get so many things accomplished, to what happens after he leaves. 

Chris and I have very good communication skills, which I think makes this whole process a lot easier. I am sure once he gets home and we have a chance to sit down and answer all the open ended questions, this blog in particular will be a thing of the past. He never raises his voice to me, nor I to him. We are respectful of each others' feelings, and we are the best of friends.

The positive emotions involve facing a challenge and conquering it. There is nothing better than the feeling of success after a long, difficult challenge. I will be looking forward to, and focusing on, the day when my husband steps off the submarine and into my arms many, many months from now, and saying, "We made it, Babe!"

I also look forward to setting some personal goals. I have gotten quite out of shape, and I am looking forward to setting a personal goal for myself to feel better, look better, and totally amaze not only myself, but Chris, when he steps off that boat. *wink wink*

To add to things, I start my training for my new job with Hospice on Monday! I am excited, yet wondering if this is such a good idea with everything else going on. Another challenge to tackle! We will see how things go in that department. I will blog more on that another time. For now, I need to go and get my paperwork all prepared to be able to head into work Monday morning. Wish me luck!

Now, let's see how on or offtrack we are on emotional preparedness. 

• Find out as much as you can about the deployment. Unfortunately, we will go back to the "everything is written in wet sand" comment I had made a previous post. Even if I am able to find out where my husband will be stopping in port when he leaves, chances are that information is certain to change. I am told that our ombudsman can assist with more exact information as it approaches, but that still leaves a lady in waiting until such information is given to us. Again, I am simply thankful that there will be the opportunity to communicate once in a while. Chris has also invited to fly me out to see him at one of the places the sub will be. I do not know the details of that, yet, until he returns home. I am excited about this opportunity, and looking forward to being able to actually see each other. (I would love to insert a smiley emoticon in here right now!) :D
  

• Agree on a plan for communicating . We have done this before, so it's nothing new on the communication end of things. The only thing that will be new to me with deployment is the very long time between emails (6 or 7 weeks, maybe more). This is due to missions that must be done where communications will not be allowed for security reasons and the like. I know this will be a trying time for me, and I imagine I will battle some pretty sad emotions at that time. When Chris is in port, we will be able to communicate via the phone and/or the internet. That will feel like the taste of the most delicious chocolate brownie, smothered in ice-cream, with loads of chocolate and caramel sauce, topped with whip cream, nuts, and a single cherry. Yes, it will be that good!
  

• Make a plan for being alone . I already have this covered. I am blessed to have a wonderful gym where we live. This is where my personal goal of getting into shape comes into play. Also, we are quite lucky to only live 0.2 miles from our very own, mile-long, private beach. I think some running up and down that stretch of beach every morning at sunrise sounds like a dream come true!
  

• Talk about your feelings with your partner and encourage him or her to do the same . We have this covered, too. Chris and I are easily able to share our feelings with each other. I love this about him. It's actually one of my many favorite things. I can tell him anything, and he is able to do the same with me. Haha, we may not always take the news well, but we always work through it.
  

• Find support for yourself . I am also quite blessed to have many family and friends. Unfortunately, they all live on the mainland, as stated in a previous blog. However, they are all just a phone call away. The other battle in relying on my family and friends for support is the fact of a six hour time difference where I am the one behind. So, in the evenings, if I need to talk to one of them, it's after midnight for my family. There is also support offered via the Navy. I did go to the pre-deployment meeting where I kept a book filled with information, contact names, and phone numbers. As far as planning, if I do need support beyond my family and friends, I do have contacts available.
  

• Reach out to other people who are going through or have already gone through a deployment . My new friend, Liz, has been very helpful. I was able to friend the FRG (Family Readiness Group) on facebook. There is a lot of information there. They have regular meetings. I am hoping to attend the one they are having this month, however, it's right in the middle of that pinch of time Chris and I have before he ships out. I was sad to realize I had missed a get together of significant others just this past week. I need to start checking on that site every day.
  

• Spend special time together as a couple and as a family . This is going to be the difficult part due to time, but knowing Chris, he is already planning. Just before he left, he took Shaun, and myself to a place called Clay Cafe where we all painted our own soup bowls. Let's see if I can add a link if you are interested in seeing our final projects by clicking on each picture to see more. Clay Cafe Soup Bowls Yay! I did it! I also have my own plans and surprises, however, I will work them around Chris's plans, as he very much likes to be in charge of activities. Also, I very much don't mind. ;)

It appears I have a little more covered than I thought with this part of being prepared. Not bad! On to part two!

How To Prepare

I asked myself if I was prepared for this deployment, if we were prepared, not only as a couple, but as a family with our 10 year old son. The answer is no. We are not prepared. I just moved here. He just moved out of the barracks. We spent a lot of time getting our home set up. We have barely anytime between his current trip out to sea and our deployment. He will be on duty two of those days (where he stays on the submarine instead of coming home), which leaves us little to no time to finish preparations, and in what little time we do have, sneak in a quick exchange of rings and vows, and viola ... Mr. and Mrs. Avakian!

Now, we have to hurry and get as much done as possible: get married, get my military ID, make a change in dependent status, change my name, go to the DMV and get a new license, go back to the courthouse for a new passport, make sure all of our legal documents are in order, make sure all of our finances are in order, and oh, yes, try to find quality time to spend together.

Furthermore, this will be my first deployment with my new spouse. I am new to this area with no family or friends to surround me. There are resources available via the Navy, but as many of my family and friends know, it takes years for me to let someone in my life, to trust them, to be able to cry in front of them. It's that type of support that I am truly going to miss during this time.


All of the above mentioned lead me to get busy and do my research on the internet. I landed at several places for advice, and basically, felt completely overwhelmed by it all. Staying focused, I was able to break things down into sections: Emotional Preparation, Financial and Legal Preparation, and Home Preparation.

For the blogs, I will be breaking things down into sections above, not only for those who are choosing to follow us, but for myself, as well. I would like to get as much preparation done before Chris gets home, so we have more time to spend as a couple before he has to leave again.

And so the preparations begin ...

Never Say Never

What's to come? That is a question I find myself asking almost in continuation as of lately. The fear of the unknown captures most of us in its grasp at least once in our lifetimes, but I am living it on a daily basis.

I always told myself I would never marry someone in the military. I felt my heart would never be able to handle what the families left behind have to go through, not to mention stay strong for the ones who have to leave. The difficulties those families face is an ultimate sacrifice, and I just couldn't see myself being able to handle making such a sacrifice. Never say, "Never."

I am madly in love with a man who would go through anything for me. He has proven time and time again exactly how much I mean to him. It took him a long time, several years, to convince me that we could be more than friends and make it as a couple, and he waited patiently for me to come around. He would take on the world to defend me, and in some light, he actually does. He is in the United States Navy aboard a nuclear attack submarine. We are about to be married, and then he will leave on a long deployment out to sea.

I have left behind my family (bringing my 10 year old son, Shaun, along), my friends, my job, my way of life (the only thing I have really known for years) to marry the love of my life, to support him in his choice to defend our country, and to embark on one of the most challenging journeys I have taken in life.

My fiance's name is Chris. My name is Jen, and feel free to join our family on this wonderful road of before, during, and after.